it's OK to start over!

date of entry: july 30, 2022

dear journal,

i am grateful for this new beautiful day. i am so grateful to be alive. the sun is blazing & i feel so alive, i feel on-fire! i am grateful for this beautiful IAV community - everlastingly. i am grateful that i allowed myself some extra sleep today as my body needed it after i was standing almost half the day yesterday at the job fair coupled with the fact that my moon cycle started right then & there. this month there is slight pain however the bleeding has returned to very heavy which i figure is due to how i’ve been eating. i am grateful that i am in the awareness to be noticing these changes & now have the knowledge & innerstanding of how to address these things.

thanks to MSA & the most recent manifest class, i have now shifted my perspective. i realise now that upon returning home last year after separating from The Fox the only thing on my mind was to leave here again as soon as possible. obviously, universe had other plans in mind for me. i also never really took a beat to just enjoy the time back home, to truly appreciate time with loved ones.

i am now becoming ok with this temporary model of the world where i don’t have a space of my own as i’d like to. it’s ok to start over & it’s time i stop beating myself up & calling/thinking of myself as a failure for ending my marriage & returning home. it’s time i stop allowing this mind to run rampant with thoughts of myself being unlovable, not enough, unworthy or even not enough - for having walked away from a marriage that was no longer serving my highest good! it’s clear now that that relationship was a beautiful lesson i was meant to learn from - as with every other relationship romantic or otherwise.

i had the wrong ideas of what love is or should be for so long & i was allowing those outdated, limiting beliefs to control how i entered & stayed in relationships. now everything is changing - i will not put my dreams on hold for anyone else again! i will not blindly love anyone else more than i love myself again. those days are over, it’s time to turn the page - as a matter of fact it’s time to change the fucking book, time to get into a whole new genre! i have no idea what that looks like but i’m open to receive.

to support my creative efforts share with a family member/friend who you think may find this content useful or leave your comments/questions/feedback in the comments below.

---

- santana chevel

"infinite spirits expressed in the IAM. iam in you, as you are in me"