date of entry: june 26
i grew up in a Christian home as many Jamaicans do however looking back now i realize that i was never really comfortable in the “church” life. i recall that i was miserable going to church the older i got. as a Baptist denomination the bible was our “code” however growing up that code didn’t make much sense to me. i didn’t understand why prayer & worship meant reading this book & doing everything it said - there was no room for questioning the “word of god” according to things back then. there was no room for soul searching. what made it even worst was that i was worshiping a “god” that looked nothing like me, a god that “punished” me for my “sins”, a god that wasn’t giving me any modern-day guidance, a god that wasn’t helping or giving any guidance to help our family out of poverty.
i had so many questions internally growing up when it came to church & god however i never asked them – i never felt like i could ask them.
church was mostly only fun in the times when i was very young where it was about seeing & socializing with other children my age. as soon as i was at an age where i no longer had to “obey” my parents i stopped going - but not before i got “baptized”.
getting baptized was meant to be a promise, a dedication to the life of a christian - to follow the 10 commandments & live by the “word of god”. but at my age, about 16 or so when i did it - i realise now i simply really did it to please my parents.
now i worship GOD everyday, in everything & in EVERYONE. we are all a part of the divine - all a part of GOD. GOD - is not confined to the 4 walls of a church & i don’t need to sit in a building every sunday to “worship him”. i worship the sun as it rises daily, i worship the moon as it shines its light nightly, i worship the stars as they decorate the night sky, i worship the rain when it falls, i worship the birds singing, the insects that crawl around, the earth under my feet as i trod, the food that i prepare/receive & consume, the people that come across my path, the devices that give us the ability to connect with others all across the world, ALL the experiences that i grow through (whether they are perceived as good or bad)… god, THE DIVINE is in everything!
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- santana chevel
"infinite spirits expressed in the IAM. iam in you, as you are in me"
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